It’s the first of the month and the bill paying routine has begun. Rent, electric, phone, water, insurance….the list goes on. As I sit and review my bank balances, budget and bills, I wonder how I got where I am. It feels like I am playing the Game of Life- college, get married, get a job, house, babies, retire.
I remember being in college and thinking that the world was a big, scary place.What would I do? Where would I go? Who would I meet?
In the blink of an eye, I became a part of that big, scary world by getting a job and paying taxes. Yet, at the same time, I still felt like that college girl who is not quite a part of society, but not a child. I still struggle with sorting out my feelings, needs and wants. When a need is not met, like eating or sleeping, I have trouble forming sentences, processing thoughts or making rational decisions.
I feel so immature and child-like when something like that happens. Maybe it is just evolution taking over and my body working to survive but I still wonder, “Is this normal? Am I normal? Did my brain develop properly when I was growing up?”
I don’t know and I don’t know if I ever will. But I do know that I can change how I react. I know that I don’t like how I feel when I haven’t had enough rest or food. I can prepare for situations like those by having snacks and water, taking little breaks throughout the day to clear my mind and remembering what is important in the long run.